Anxiety – why you never want to try to stop anxiety

Just received an email from one of my online coaching students.  We are on a break right now till April, so I’ll be posting the answers to questions for my students.

Question:
I have been using the “finger touch anchor” you taught us,
it was working great for creating a calm state for a few months.

But lately when I try to use the technique it doesn’t work.
I’m touching my fingers together just like you showed us,
but my anxiety doesn’t stop, I’m not getting the change
I was hoping for.

Is it the same thing as “trying” to do something, when I
hope the technique will work?

I know you told us not to “try” to do an exercise or technique.
I even wrote down what you said, “Just do the exercise and see
what happens, don’t try to make anything happen”.
So what can I do to change what I’m doing so the
techniques work again?

I’m think that I’m having trouble understanding
what it meant by not “trying” to do something.

In my mind there are very rare times when I just “do.”
Most of the time I’m trying to crochet, or sew, or cook.

I believe it has something to do with my
ex-friend telling me “you’re not trying hard enough”

Answer: Dear “C ”
The interesting thing is that when you ARE cooking,
crocheting or sewing you are DOING not “trying.”

That is why you find a cooked meal, or a finished sewing project.
If you were just “trying” you wouldn’t find a finished project.

To TRY means you aren’t actually doing.

I know it seems to be a  play on words but it is more than that.

On the other hand when you “try” to bring up a good memory
and it doesn’t happen,  it is possible that it is because you are trying to make the technique work.

1. Instead just touch your fingers and seeing what happens.
2. Once an anchor is set, if it doesn’t seem strong enough we can
always add a “stacking” technique to make the anchor stronger.

There are a number of reasons that a technique stops working.

1. Trying to make it work.

2. It might be that you need to set a stronger “anchor”
for the issue you are working on.

3. Or there may be deeper issues that need to be released first.

What you can do now:

1. Listen to the mp3 from our session on setting “finger touch anchors”.
2. Just repeat the “anchoring process” and see what happens.
3. Action plans are under the tab at the top “online coaching sessions”.
4. Remember to stay curious instead of trying to make it happen.
5. The unconscious part of your mind has amazing resources waiting to be tapped into.

And as to what your x-friend told you “that you weren’t trying hard enough”.
How would s/he know anyway what you were doing or not doing.
You are an amazing person and we have both seen the changes you have
made over the last months you have been with me on the coaching calls.

When a person has anxiety, it has nothing to do with how hard they are trying
to get rid of it.  It has more to do with learning what will work best to take
the anxiety down. Releasing old “junk”.  And learning what triggers anxiety and panic.

“Trying” to do a technique typically will make anxiety go up.
For this to work best you don’t have to  “work so hard.”
Instead perhaps use the technique and be curious about what changes or doesn’t.

This is a just a quick answer to a complex question.  Hope it helps for now.

Audrey