Social phobia? How to find joy in being with people.

Many of my clients send me emails after completing therapy.  Recently one of my new clients sent a wonderful email after just 2 sessions.  She gave me permission to use the first email she sent, as well as the one she sent after her 6th session of hypnotherapy.

I’m using her emails to show you that there is hope for major transformations, even for the most difficult problems.  So, even if you think you’ve tried everything to get relief from anxiety and fear, take heart change is possible.  You too can be amazed at how different you can feel after just a few therapy sessions.

Kendra (named changed) was suffering with social phobia, sadness and feelings of insecurity.  She even found it difficult to talk in therapy because it was difficult for her to feel comfortable in front of anyone.

Of course going to a new therapist for the first session can be difficult for anyone.  It takes a lot of courage to share you most inner thoughts with another.  But for Kendra the fear of speaking was more intense,  she was suffering from what is called a social phobia.  

During our first session together she rated her anxiety at the highest level of 10 (on a 0 (calm) to 10 (total panic).  She feared that nothing would help her, because she tried cognitive and behavioral therapy, had done relaxation exercises and bio-feedback and nothing stopped her fear in social situations.   She had been suffering with this debilitating anxiety since she was a young child. Now at 38 years she has finally found the help she thought was impossible.

When anxiety is high it is exhausting just doing things most people take for granted.   Going to school, speaking out, even ordering a meal in a restaurant and hanging out with friends caused intense panic for Kendra.  

In the years I have been helping people to get free of panic and anxiety what I have found is that people who have this type of fear are some of the most highly creative and intelligent people.  For Kendra, her own creative mind could conjure up images that caused panic even which she was safely sitting on her couch at home.

And for her even thinking about an upcoming event where she might have to speak would cause her intense dread. As happens with anxiety issues other symptoms slowly seep into life.   One of the most common symptoms is intense stomach and bowel pain. When this symptom started it added more fear on top of social anxiety, it was becoming more difficult to leaving her house because of her fear of being sick or having to run to the bathroom.

She’d been living with anxiety yet hardly anyone knew of her suffering.  She got along in the world by pretending and forcing herself to be with people, but it took a huge toll on her life and by the time she came to see me she was exhausted and depleted.  She felt she couldn’t continue living this horrible existence.

Phobias can be healed using a three part system I developed.
Kendra like so many others I work with is now living a life free from the fear she once had.   And at the end of this article you can read two of the emails she sent me.  One is after her second session and the other after our sixth session together. They are included to prove that it is possible to change even the most severe, long standing phobias when you know these three techniques.  

Kendra’s e-mail:  I’ve been to many different therapists over the years.  No matter how kind the therapist I  always felt nervous on my way to appointments.   Sometimes it would get so bad that I would become physically ill.  It is hard for me to believe,  but after my  first 2 sessions with Audrey I have hope.  I’m  feeling excited about our next session and instead of the dread I find I’m looking forward to taking the next steps in therapy (hypnotherapy). 

Session six:  We’ve been working together for six sessions and I our last session was transformational for me. I keep asking myself if is possible that I can have changed so much.  I even talked out in a group yesterday.  K. A. B.

Some techniques to experiment with
if you feel fear, anxiety or worry.  

1.  The first step: Put a number to your level of distress. Using a rating gauge where zero = calm and ten = full blown panic Kendra first rated her anxiety at a level 10 (total panic), by session 2 it was an 8 (she could hardly think straight, and by session 6 it was down to a 3 (more calm than anxiety).  

2. To bring down the anxiety experiment with the tapping for calm exercise.  For Kendra we used this technique when she was at a level 8 and it worked in just moments. Her anxiety level went down from 8 to a 4 and she said this was the best she felt in years and felt hope. 

3. The tapping technique is just one of the tools in the three-part system I have developed for lasting panic relief.  It is a great way to begin.  For Kendra it gave her a way feeling in more in control.  And in addition at a level four she was able to think more clearly.  

4.  Setting small achievable goals where you can measure changes is another important step in the process.  Of course feeling calm in any social situation was what Kendra wanted.  Yet, in order to reach that goal we needed to break the goal down into much smaller achievable parts.  Get the goal setting handout from one of my virtual coaching workshops click here:  

5. The following video will give you some other ideas on where phobias come from and how to heal them. Click for video.